Obamaist 1.0

It is true that I am a Republican. For years I have lived a guerrilla lifestyle within the confines of my wife's family. Her family is democratic tried and true. They are altruistic, and liberal, and left. My wife's family believes in everything a good democrat would believe in.

Then comes me.

I am from the rural stretches of Illinois. Down in my neck of the woods, Democrat is a dirty word said with anger more than pride. We believe in guns, and amendments and rights. We believe that George W. Bush is misinterpreted and that Dick Cheney is a national hero. We hated Clinton and Gore and Kerry and believe that if this nation is gonna be safe than George Bush will make us safe.

Then comes Barack Obama.

It is funny. As I am typing this blog, the spell-check does not recognize his name. Something tells me in the near future, all blogs, and Microsoft Word etc will have to adapt to the funny named president. That's right men and gals, I think Obama is going to win.

Obama really is a great story... but I am not writing this to talk about his mother, or his father from Kenya, or his Harvard days. I want to talk about his election for senator in the state of Illinois. On January 20th, on the day of the inauguration-after the champagne is gone and the work needs to begin..Barack Obama needs to stand on that stage in the January cold and thank one person above all for his ascendancy.

God
Michelle

Nope, neither. The person Barack Obama needs to thank is Jeri Ryan... That's correct, Jeri Ryan-the blond beauty who so famously played a half borg in Deep Space Nine, and went to other jaunts as a scandalous character on the OC and as a teacher on Boston Public. Jeri Ryan is the reason that Barack Obama is going to be president. John McCain should cancel his annual trip to the Star Trek convention because it was her that set us on a course for greatness.

You see, Jeri Ryan was once married to an Illinois politician named Jack Ryan. Now Jack Ryan was a charmer, a good lookin' SOB who was destined to be a big name and a big contender for a top tier position. I really believed in Jack Ryan and worked in his campaign as a low level envelope stuffer. I got my mother to be his Iroquois County chairperson, and was excited of the prospects. His only downfall was his name, which if anyone knows, the last name RYAN is like having a raging aces of Herpes. Besides this, Jack was on his way...then came the scandal.

Now I am not too privy on the exact details of the scandal, but Jack once wanted his wife to have sex with him in a public place..call it a dirty nightclub( aren't they all), or an outdoor Sybaris. Either way, the scandal seemed to leave a bad taste in people's mouth. Now, I may not be a love doctor, but is it really a big deal if a man wants to have sex with his wife. I know the public aspect may be awkward, but most sex doctors say to spice it up once in a while. Maybe Jack was indeed from Mars and Jeri was from a Borg Cube. nevertheless, this was enough. The republicans in there desparate scramble decided to draft Alan Keyes to be the candidate. Alan fucking Keyes. It was all but handing the charismatic Obama the election.

I ended up voting for Obama in that election, and then went on to vote for him in this years primary. Sadly my republican brethren, I believe that "YES WE CAN". My only hope is that if Barack does make it up to the dais on that cold day, he will give a shout out to Jeri ryan, or at the very least us his mind to tap the borg collective and give her the props she deserves.